Yesterday I accidentally went for a 5 mile trail run/hike. How?…

It started as a walk, but the further I went the more I realized I needed to process everything going on in my head. ?

Now I know that intense exercise isn’t the best coping mechanism for big feelings, but the faster I charged up the hill the quieter the world around me seemed to get so I could address everything I had been suppressing all week.

The holidays are hard for me. All my family is in a different country, and now we only have the kids every second year. It gets lonely. I LOVE my husband, so very much. And he tries so hard but it’s just not the same. ?‍♀️

About half way through my jog it hit me… There is a good chance that this is our forever reality, I can count on one hand the number of Christmas’ we have with the kids until they go to college. I call it early empty nester syndrome… I’m not entirely sure who I am, or who I want to be without the role of parent. And it’s kinda hard to commit to anything when you flip flop back and forth between being a parent and having no kids.

So that is my focus this year. What do I really want for me? Who do I want to be? And what do I need to be truly fulfilled? (Because being successful is great but we all know all the monetary stuff doesn’t matter)

Divorce is hard. Co-parenting is harder.

I know I have it pretty good… but still ??.

We get plenty of time for us as a couple (which most parents would die for), I get to see my friends, and have a lot of independence… but it does not make holidays easy.

So there ya go, I am human. And I will make the very best out of our early Christmas with the kiddos this year and try not to hurt myself running sprints uphill until I figure it all out ?

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